微情节之”收尾点睛“

细节呼应

读后续写要求续写内容和所给短文是一脉相承的,那么最好的方式就是呼应短文的细节。抓住可以呼应的细节,可以帮助我们打开思路,让文章的结尾更加精彩。

(1)不一定呼应开头。我们经常会提到“首尾呼应”,其实我们呼应的点,不一定是文章的开头,还可以呼应原文中后段里的细节。
(2)反差。按照“负一转一正”的行文思路,文章中的情节、人物、情绪等都会发生一定的变化,而这种变化往往能够凸显出文章的主题。

例1“海上遇险”【2020·山东省泰安市高工上学期期末】
前文情节:我们全家去海滩玩,我不会游泳,就去划一条小渔船,突然海浪袭来,我被冲到了海水中。幸运的是,我被救了起来,送到了医院。

微情节构建:
前文细节①:One of my sisters who had worked abroad for 10 years returned home for her vacation. All the family members were happy. My parents gave her a simple celebration and prepared food for us to share.
前文细节①-庆祝我的一个姐妹归国
结尾呼应-庆祝我被救

前文细节②:While staying with them, an idea came to me.We could have a family outing on the beach! All of my siblings(兄弟姐妹)agreed!…The weather was nice and many people were enjoying the sea water.
前文细节②-我们很开心地去海滩玩耍
结尾呼应-我再也不想去海滩了

One possible version:
My mother said we should have another celebration for my being saved.I told them the celebration would never be held at beach.
翻译:我妈妈说我们应该为我的得救再庆祝一次。我告诉他们,庆祝活动永远不要在海滩举行了。

例2 “重组家庭”【2021·福建省莆田市第一中学高二上学期期末】
前文情节:我的父亲再婚了,Jen是继母的女儿。我因她们的到来感到不开心,因为我觉得她们打破了我和爸爸的“二人小分队”,但是后来我发现她们母女也经历了很多困难,不再为自己感到难过,我也想让 Jen 开心一些。

微情节构建:
前文细节①:The snow crunched under our boots as we walked down the street…. Jen shook her head and looked at me.Finally, she said,“On Thanksgiving,Mom and I always went to visit some friends on a farm. I especially loved seeing their big turkeys.”
前文细节①-雪很厚;Jen 喜欢火鸡
结尾呼应-我们堆了“火鸡雪人”

前文细节②:I called her Mom,but the word felt uncomfortable like a pair of shoes that pinched(挤脚).I didn’t remember my own mother; she had died in an accident when I was a baby. It had always been just Dad and me. We were a team. Now so much had changed, and sometimes I wished I had the magic to change it back.
前文细节②-我和父亲的二人小分队被打破了
结尾呼应-我们四人形成了新的队伍

One possible version:
A sense of happiness welled up in my heart and surged through me.“I guess we can be a good team,” I said to myself.“Thanks to the snow turkey.
翻译:一种幸福感在我心中涌动。“我想我们可以成为一支好队伍,”我对自己说道,“多亏了’火鸡雪人。”

例3“母女同学”
前文情节:我虽然从小就特别爱学习,但是因为家境贫寒,被迫辍学,没能拿到毕业证书。结婚生子之后,我的小女儿因为患有幼年型关节炎,没有办法正常上学。在报纸上看到广告后,我决定让她上夜校,同时也继续追求自己的梦想。

微情节构建:
前文细节:
For many years, I had a recurring dream. I was a little girl again, rushing about, trying to get ready for school.
“Hurry, you’ll be late for school,” my mother called to me.
“I am hurrying, Mom! What did I do with my books?”
Deep inside I knew where the dream came from. It was about some unfinished business in my life.
…….
But at 15,I had to drop out because my parents couldn’t afford tuition. My hope of getting a diploma was dead or so I thought.

前文细节-拿到学位是我魂牵梦绕的未竟之事;梦中,还是小女孩的我匆忙地准备去学校
结尾呼应-我完成了这件未竟之事;梦中的女孩再也不用那么匆匆忙忙了

One possible version:
The unfinished business in my life was eventually finished.The girl in the dream wouldn’t need to be in a hurry any more.
翻译:我生命中未完的事终于完成了。梦中的女孩再也不需要着急了。

主题议论

续写作为记叙文,往往借助故事承载某个核心主题,那么我们也可以在结尾处对全文主旨进行议论,来升华文章主题,以下列举三种比较常用的议论句式。

句式①直到那时,某人才意识到……
Only then did sb. realize …
Not until then did sb. realize .…
句式②如果没有这次经历,某人就不会有机会学到这样一课:……
Had it not been for this experience, sb. would not have got the chance to
learn the lesson that …
句式③正是这次经历让某人意识到/学到了……
It was this experience that made sb. realize/ learn that .….

例1“爆米花”【2020·全国新高考卷I(山东卷)】
句式①:Only then did the children realize that their help really matters.
翻译:直到那时,孩子们才意识到他们的帮助真的很重要。
句式②:Had it not been for this experience,the children would not have got the chance to learn the lesson that they can really make a difference.
翻译:如果没有这次经历,孩子们就没有机会学到这样一课:他们真的能有所作为。
句式③:It was this experience that made the children realize that difficultyis nothing compared with unity.
翻译:正是这段经历使孩子们认识到,困难与团结相比是微不足道的。

例2“北极熊”【2020·浙江卷】
句式①:Not until then did we realize that you should always beware of a polar bear.
翻译:直到那时我们才意识到,应该时刻提防北极熊。
句式②:Had it not been for this experience, we would not have got the chance to learn the lesson: stay away from a polar bear.
翻译:如果没有这次经历,我们就没有机会吸取教训:远离北极熊。
句式③:It was this experiencethat made us realize that you should never mess up with a polar bear.
翻译:正是这段经历让我们意识到:千万别惹北极熊。

例3“荒野求生”【2016·浙江卷】
句式①:Only then did Jane realize that one should never give up hope
翻译:直到那时 Jane 才意识到,人不应该放弃希望。
句式②:Had it not been for this experience, Jane would not have got the chance to learn the lesson that one should be hopeful about the situation he or she is in.
翻译:如果没有这次经历,Jane就没有机会学到这样一课:一个人应该对自己的处境抱有希望。
句式③:It was this experience that made Jane realize that hope is always there as long as you don’t give up it.
翻译:正是这段经历让 Jane 意识到,只要你不放弃,希望永远存在。

寄情于景

句式 1:
看到某物,某人感觉好像它在……,并且说:“……
Seeing sth., sb. felt as ifit had been …, saying “.….”

本句式中的“某物”往往表示所给短文中的某一个关键词。而“感觉它好像在……”,就是用虚拟语气赋予这个关键词人格:赋予它人的动作,来表达人的情感;赋予它人的语言,来突出整个文章的主题。具体示例参见第二部分第二章“心理描写”中的“托物言志”模块,此处仅举一个例子:

例“可疑的箱子”
前文情节:Arthur热心帮助一位陌生人拎箱子,结果这个人竟然是银行劫犯,导致自己被其他人误会也是抢劫犯……根据“负一转一正”的情节轮廓,结局应该是误会被解除,真劫犯被绳之以法,那么我们就可以借助箱子对这个乌龙事件进行收尾。比如:
Seeing the case lying on the desk in the police station,Arthur felt as if it had been smirking, saying “Sorry, dude.”
翻译:看到警察局桌子上的箱子,Arthur 觉得它好像在坏笑着说:“对不起啦,伙计。”

句式 2:
一两滴眼泪从某人的眼角滑落,滑过他/她的脸颊,滴落在某物上,魔法般地把它变成了……
A tear or two slipped from sb.’s eyes, rolled down sb.’s cheeks and dripped onto +sth., which, as if by magic, had turned into+比喻.

本句式中的“某物”同样常表示所给短文中的某一个关键词。“魔法般地把它变成了……”则是用虚拟语气对它进行比喻,来突出整个文章的主题。

例1“寒酸的礼物”
前文情节:Susan给Holly送了一块深蓝色的地毯作为生日礼物,Holly很嫌弃。后来,Holly才知道对于Susan来说,这块地毯已经是她能拿得出的最好的礼物了。那么在结尾我们就可以借助地毯来升华“友谊”的主题:
A tear or two slipped from Holly’s eyes rolled down her cheeks and dripped onto the dark blue carpet, which, as if by magic, had turned into the most precious birthday present in the whole world.
翻译:一两滴眼泪从Holly的眼睛里流出来,顺着脸颊滚下来,滴到了深蓝色的地毯上,那地毯仿佛被施了魔法,变成了全世界最珍贵的生日礼物

例2“父爱三轮车”
前文情节:在大萧条时期,我因为一次事故,腿瘸了,父亲帮我整了辆三轮车。多年后我才知道父亲为了弄到这辆三轮车付出了多少艰辛。那么在结尾我们就可以借助三轮车来升华“父爱如山”的主题:
A tear or two slipped from my eyes, rolled down my cheeks and dripped onto the tricycle, which, as if by magic, had turned into a ship that carried me through the mire of misery with Dad’s love.
翻译:一两滴眼泪从我的眼里淌出,顺着我的脸颊滚下来,滴到了三轮车上,仿佛变魔术一般,三轮车变成了一艘船,带着爸爸的爱,载着我穿过苦难的泥潭。

喃喃自语

长短句的交替会增强文章可读性,让长句变得更华丽,让短句变得更有力量。同样在文章结尾处,我们可以用一句简短的“喃喃自语”来宣告故事的结束。由于是“自己暗自说话”,所以不涉及和他人的互动。当然也可以“对其他人说”,但是不要进行额外的描写,否则会使原本应该短促有力的结尾生出旁枝末节。语言的内容可以直接写文章的主题,也可以只是主人公的感受,以下给一些范例:

例1:“Never judge a book by its cover,”I said to myself.
翻译:“千万不要以貌取人。”我对自己说。
例2:“What a thrilling day!”,Roman texted his friend later that day.
翻译:“多么激动人心的一天!”当天晚些时候,Roman 给他的朋友发短信说到。
例3:The professor replied,“Because you see its end is missing.”
翻译:教授回答说:“因为,你看,它的末端不见了。”
例4:Finally,she whispered,“This is Isabella Rose.”Then,a little louder with more confidence, “Isabella Rose.”
翻译:最后,她小声说:“这是 Isabella Rose。”然后,她更加自信地大声说:“IsabellaRose。”
例5:Before Pappy had time to say another word,the child’s mother stepped in. Holding back her tears, she gently said,“Hello, Dad.”
翻译:Pappy还没来得及再说一句话,孩子的母亲就走了进来。她忍住眼泪,轻轻地说:“你好,爸爸。”
例6:But at 15,I had to drop out because my parents couldn’t afford tuition. My hope of getting a diploma was dead,or so I thought.Pretty soon,I married and had three children, and I thought, “There goes my diploma.”
翻译:但是15 岁的时候,我不得不辍学,因为我父母无法承担学费。我拿到毕业文凭的希望破灭了,至少我是这么想的。很快,我结婚了,有了三个孩子,我想:“这就是我的毕业文凭吧。”

时光荏苒

正如俗语“酒是陈的香”所说,眼前所经历的事情,在多年以后,或许才能酝酿出甘甜的回香。对于部分读后续写题,我们可以在文章结尾设置“时间的跳跃”,让视角转回到当下,换一个角度去审视、回顾曾经的那些趣谈与佳话。可搭配句型:

这段故事/画面/场景/话语自此一直萦绕在某人的脑海中。即使是现在,某人也不断地想起那段经历,从中某人学到了……
The story/picture/scene/words kept lingering/echoing in sb.’s mind ever since. Even now, sb. be constantly reminded ofthe experience, where sb. got the lesson that .….

例:吞吞老师的话语自此一直萦绕在我的脑海中。即使是现在,我也不断地想起那段经历,从中我学到了:语言是扇窗,让我看到更广阔的世界。
Tuntun’s words kept echoing in my mind ever since. Even nowI am constantly reminded of the experience, where I got the lesson that language is a window which allows me to see a bigger world.

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