环境描写

环境描写在续写中一般配合人物经历或故事情节推进出现,服务于人物、情节的塑造,而非“为了写景而写景”,故不应该占据太多的篇幅,一般来说1~2句就足够了。

地点方位的描写

续写中最常出现的环境–地点方位的描写常用“完全倒装句”这一句式结构。
例1:In the middle of the forest lies a beautiful lake.
翻译:森林中央有一个美丽的湖。

例2:At one of the tables sat a family with two daughters who were about Mei Mei’s age.
翻译:其中一张桌子旁坐着一家人,他们有两个女儿,都和 Mei Mei 差不多大。

例3:Now,not far away, around the bonfire are dancing many humans, hand in hand.
翻译:现在,不远处,篝火周围有许多人在手拉着手跳舞。

例4:At the seaside stood thick and tall palm trees with green coconuts hanging from them.
翻译:海边矗立着高大的棕棡树,树上挂着绿色的椰子。

例5:No more than 20 paces away in the bog was a huge Alaskan timber wolf-caught in one
of Trapper Georges traps.
翻译:不到20步远的沼泽地里,一只巨大的阿拉斯加大灰狼被捕猎者George的陷阱困住了。

环境的直接描写

(1)景/物描写
景/物的直接描写通常会直接用物作主语,有时也会拟人化,搭配人的动作使用。

例1:The snow felt crispy and crunchy under our feet.
翻译:我们脚下的雪非常松脆。

例2:The snow crunched under our boots as we walked down the street.
翻译:我们走在街上时,靴子下的雪嘎吱作响。

例3:Gold and brown leaves crunched under Dora’s boots as she made her way down the
sidewalk.
翻译:当Dora 沿着人行道走着时,金色和棕色的叶子在她的靴子下嘎吱作响。

例4:The moon shone silver on my brother’s fur, and the stars were as bright as diamonds.
翻译:月亮照在我哥哥的毛皮上,闪耀着银色的光芒,星星像钻石一样明亮。

例5:The moon washed the woods in a gentle light. The stars twinkled like a child’s curious
eyes blinking with anticipation.

翻译:月亮用柔和的光洗刷着树林。星星闪烁着,像孩子好奇的眼睛闪烁着期待。

例6:The sound came swiftly nearer, and became a wild roar, filling the whole valley.
翻译:这声音很快就走近了,变成了一声狂吼,响彻整个山谷。

例7:About one hour later Gilbert raised his head and the moon was low in the west. Above the noise of the water and the whistle of the wind, he heard a familiar sound-the high, sharp neigh of a horse. It was Roger that he heard!
翻译:大约一个小时后,Gilbert抬起头,月亮在西边很低。在水的响声和风的哨声上方,他听到了一个熟悉的声音–马的高而尖的嘶鸣声。他听到的是Roger 的声音!

例8:It was so peaceful and quiet and the colors of the brown rocks, the deep green pine trees, and the late afternoon sun mixed to create a magic scene. It looked like a beautiful woven(编织的) blanket spread out upon the ground just for us.
翻译:这里是如此宁静,褐色的岩石、深绿色的松树和傍晚的阳光的色彩混合在一起,形成了一幅神奇的景象。它看起来像一条美丽的编织毯铺在地上,只为我们。

(2)天气描写
出于对续写篇幅的考虑,除非天气本身属于情节的一部分,否则不建议大篇幅描写天气。

此处仅举三个例子用于赏析:
【炎热干燥】
It was one of the hottest days of the dry season. We had not seen rain in almost a month. The crops were dying. Cows had stopped giving milk. The streams were long gone back into the earth.
翻译:那是旱季最热的一天。我们差不多一个月没见到下雨了。庄稼快死了,奶牛停止了产奶,溪流也早已流回地下。

【暴雨来袭】
It was a Saturday afternoon. The color of the sky was changing, first light gray, then dark gray, and finally dark and dense. The wind was blowing heavily, and the trees were swaying in the strong wind. It began to rain cats and dogs. Soon, the road was filled with puddles from the rain.
翻译:那是一个星期六的下午。天空的颜色在变化,先是浅灰色,然后是深灰色,最后是浓黑色。风刮得很大,树在大风中摇摆。下起了倾盆大雨。很快,路上就满是雨水坑。

【雷电交加】
I was studying a Barbie and doing some simple math in my head when suddenly an earthshaking clap of thunder roared from the storm outside. I jumped at the noise, dropping the doll to the floor. The lights flickered once and died covering everything in a blanket of blackness. Thunder continued to shake the sky and lightning illuminated the store for seconds, casting frightening shadows on my mind.
翻译:我正在研究芭比娃娃,在脑子里做一些简单的数学题,突然外面的暴风雨发出了一声惊天动地的雷声。我被那声音吓了一跳,把娃娃扔到了地板上。闪电一闪过后又消失了,一切都笼罩在一片漆黑中。雷声不断地震动着天空,闪电照亮了商店几秒钟,在我的脑海里投下了可怕的阴影。

(3) 气氛描写
在续写中可以通过刻画某一场面的整体氛围,凸显其给人物的强烈感觉来增强文章的感染力,诱发读者共鸣。

例1:It was as if gloomy silence filled his room.
翻译:他的房间里似乎充满了阴郁的寂静。

例2:Dead silence spread across the classroom.
翻译:教室里一片死寂。

例3:This single speech sent the whole class up into an uproar.
翻译:这一次演讲使全班哗然。

例4:It was awfully quiet except for our footsteps hitting the road, and my heavy breathing.
翻译:除了我们走在路上的脚步声和我沉重的呼吸声外,这里非常安静。

例5:When the noises coming from the street were replaced by silence and everything turned dark, Jack came out from the bathroom.
翻译:当街上传来的噪声被寂静所取代,一切都变暗时,Jack从浴室走了出来。

例6:Park Avenue had been quiet a moment before. Now the air was filled with the sound of the alarm and the shouts of people running from all directions. Cars stopped and the passengers joined the crowd in front of the bank. People asked each other, “What happened?” But everyone had a different answer.
翻译:公园大道刚才很安静。现在空气中充满了警报声和从四面八方跑来的人们的喊声。汽车停了下来,乘客们汇入了银行前的人群。人们互相问:“发生了什么事?”但每个人的回答都不相同。

(4) 环境聚焦
环境描写也有其内在的逻辑性,整体的大环境可以分解成一块块小环境,按照一定的逻辑顺序,如由中间向四周、由远及近、由左到右等,依次描写,最终将描写点落在希望强调或者侧重的地方。

句式:在……有一个……,在它的……有……:方位+lie/stand+景,介词+whichis+物/人。

例:森林中央有一棵大树,旁边是一间小屋。
In the center of the forest stands a giant tree, beside which is a small cottage.
本例中环境描写按照从远到近、由大到小的逻辑顺序,将描写的焦点不断拉近,最终聚焦到某个人或某个物上,再用定语从句把两个完全倒装句整合在一起,使整体逻辑紧凑完整。

(5)环境比喻
续写时还可以采用比喻的修辞手法描写环境。

句式:
A充斥/点亮了B,好似魔法般,B变成了 C。
A filled/ lit up B, which, as if by magic, had turned into C.

例1:夕阳照亮了这条河,仿佛变魔术似的,这条河变成了一条金色的丝带。
The setting sun lit up the river, which, as if by magic, had turned into a golden ribbon.

例2:狂吠声响彻了整个房子,仿佛被施了魔法似的,房子变成了一个游乐场。
The barking filled the house, which, as if by magic, had turned into a playground.

例3:爆米花的香味弥漫了整个房子,仿佛变魔术似的,房子变成了面包房。
The smell of the popcorn filled the house, which, as if by magic, had turned into a bakery.

(6)环境幕布
续写中情节的发生往往需要一个情境,通过描写环境以及这个特定环境下人物的行动、语言等,来构造故事整体的背景。这类环境描写就像一张铺设在故事情节后的“幕布”。

句式:
某物……,某人……
With sth. doing/ done, sb. …

例1:明月高悬天际,人们把酒言欢。
With the bright moon hanging in the sky, people feasted on grand meals talking in high spirits.

例2:爆竹声充斥大街小巷,人们看着春晚,分享着趣闻。
With the streets filled with the sound of firecrackers, people watched the Spring Festival Gala,
exchanging anecdotes.

用环境衬托人物

环境描写主要的作用为衬托人物,推动情节发展,如“感时花溅泪,恨别鸟惊心”中的花、鸟,就是为了表达作者内心复杂的感情,刻画其忧国忧民的形象而设置的。
续写中具体又可以分为两种衬托方式:正衬和反衬。

(1)正衬
句式:随着情况的恶化,某人快要崩溃了,完全不知道该怎么办。
As/With+情况恶化,sb.was on the edge of breaking down, totally at a loss what to do.

例:随着这只狼在车外恶狠狠地怒视着他,Mac快要崩溃了,完全不知道该怎么办。
“as”版本:As the wolf glared at him fiercely outside the car, Ma was on the edge of breaking down, totally at a loss what to do.
“with”版本:With the wolf glaring at him fiercely outside the car Mac was on the edge of breaking down, totally at a loss what to do.

(2) 反衬
通过反衬来描写环境以刻画人物又分为两种方式,一是借助“同一事物”,二是借助“不同事物”,下面举三个使用频率较高的句式。

句式1
虽然……(客观事实),但是在某人看来……(主观认识)
Though…, they/he/it/they seemed + adj./n. to sb..

例1:虽然教室里坐着的都是白发老人,但是在我眼里他们大声朗读的样子非常年轻。(年长一年轻)
Though the people sitting in the classroom were all white-haired, they seemed so young to me when they were reading loudly.

例2:虽然这是一个寒冷的夜晚,但是在Robin看来,却好似春日。(冷一暖)
Though the night was freezing cold, it seemed like spring to Robin.

【句式升级】
本句式中的让步状语从句可以进行“形式倒装”。第一步:提前需要强调的部分(名词、形容词、副词、动词),但是注意名词提前需要去掉修饰它的冠词;动词只提前实义动词部分,助动词、情态动词位置不变。第二步:加上倒装句的引导词(as,though等)。
以上例子可以升级为:
例1-1:虽然教室里坐着的都是白发老人,但是在我眼里他们大声朗读的样子非常年轻。(年长一年轻)
All white-haired as/ though the people sitting in the classroom were they seemed so young to me when they were reading loudly.
例2-1:虽然这是一个寒冷的夜晚,但是在Robin看来,却好似春日。(冷一暖)
Freezing cold as/ though the night was, it seemed like spring to Robin.

句式2
在A的对比下(在……中),B显得……
Against A, B .….

例1:在商场的嘈杂声中,她嘴里说出这些温柔的话语,在我听来却格外清晰。
Against the noise in the shopping mall, these soft words uttered from her mouth sounded so clear to me.

例2:在桌上铺着的这些亮闪闪的礼物中,这块毯子显得格外丑陋,这让Lucy尴尬地脸红了。
Against all the shiny presents spread on the table, the carpet seemed extremely ugly, which made Lucy blush with embarrassment.

句式3
沐浴在……中,其他人在……,而某人却在动作1,动作2
Bathed in +天气、气氛,others were…, while sb. did …., doing …

例:在美妙的阳光下,其他同学都在忙着聊天,和老师拍照,而Steven却安静地坐在椅子上,画着什么东西。
Bathed in wonderful sunshine, other students were busy chatting and taking photos with their teachers, while Steven was sitting quietly on his chairdrawing something.

【句式升级】
本句式中的“动作2”也可以使用独立主格结构,来刻画某个细节动作、表情。例如,可以把上面这个例子中的“drawing something”替换为“his pen moving quickly on a paper”(他的笔在纸上飞快地移动)。

(3)衬托的正反互用

以上我们讲解了正衬、反衬两种衬托人物的方式。当然,这两种方式在续写中都是可以使用的,并没有严格的限制,甚至二者是可以互相转化的,但是都会受到下划线关键词的影响,比如下面这个例子:

在深夜,Frank目睹了有人闯入别人家中,他非常紧张。与环境相关的关键词有silent, town。
此时使用正衬和反衬都可以,但是关键词的使用会有差别。
【反衬】小镇死寂的夜晚,使得这个陌生人的脚步声在Frank 听来像剧烈的鼓声。
Against the dead silent night in the small town, the sound of the footsteps of the stranger sounded like violent drums to Frank.
【正衬】随着陌生人的脚步声逐渐逼近那所房子,Frank的心跳也加速了。
As the sound of the footsteps of the stranger gradually approached the house, Frank’s heart beat faster.

Mindmap解析

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